In filmmaking, this is what failure looks like...
In life there are two types of pain-- one that hurts, and then theres the pain that alters. Filmmaking and failure are the exact same way.
From a dimly lit nursery, rocking my son while he sleeps.
Monday, November 17th
Dear Reader,
Eight years in, and I still feel like an abject failure.
Eight years of toil and nothing to show for it.
Eight years of making other people’s films while my own stall.
Eight years of bullshit meetings and ass kissing.
Eight years of showing up and falling down.
Eight years of feeling unseen.
Eight years of failure.
That’s one way my life can look.
As a near forty-year-old who left my career in law and politics to pursue my calling of filmmaking, by every conventional measurement, I’m not where society nor I want to be.
I’m a failure.
I left a steady income and promising career trajectory to struggle for eight years, completely invisible to the world and others in the filmmaking industry.
Not even a blimp on the radar screen once.
No spark.
Nothing.
I bet we’re both pretty similar.
I bet you’ve toiled away.
I bet you’ve struggled.
I bet you’ve lost.
Time, again and again.
So the question becomes… Why?
Why put ourselves through the pain?
Why feel the failure?
Why continue?
Why?
Truthfully, I can’t answer that for you.
I can only offer you a simple thought to encourage you.
Failure sucks.
It fucking blows.
It’s a daily mental struggle.
It’s a physical struggle.
It can crush your soul if you let it.
And I promise you it will forever feel that way if you take the loss and give up.
That’s the only time failure becomes permanent: if you quit.
So what’s the alternative?
It’s to understand.
Understand that growth often occurs in the midst of pain and failure.
It happens in life.
And it will happen in your career in filmmaking.
As I sit here and rock my six-month-old son, I know he doesn’t know how to walk, or talk, or even eat solid foods yet.
I know he will fall.
I know he will stutter.
And I know he will gag the first time eating.
But through that failure, he will feel pain, and then that pain will alter his life.
It will make him stronger.
It will teach him.
It will build resilience.
So today’s a simple reminder— failure isn’t the end.
It teaches if you let it.
Giving up is the end.
Don’t give up.
I’m not.
And I hope that you join me as I navigate through all my future failures to finally accomplish my goal of directing my first feature film.
I’ll try to share what I learn along the way.
And if you ever need to commiserate with someone, shoot me an email.
I’m happy to help any of you, fight to keep the faith!
We can do it!
Together, with Faith.
M.P. Rekola
P.S. Catch up on the rest from TheModernFilmmaker.co, or check out our handy, On-Set Filmmaking Dictionary on Amazon or the digital version, here. A perfect gift for your filmmaking friends!
Hola! I believe I can understand and relate to your feelings. I, myself, overcame a difficult time with no success in my work by starting to create for myself. Keep going—you are being read constantly and are present for many people. Thank you for all your wonderful short tales and stories.